I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
