Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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