I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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