I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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