If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
