i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
