an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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