My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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