We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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