just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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