we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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