; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
These tits shall not be calmed
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
