you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
