One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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