If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
