Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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