Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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