You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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