I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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