I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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