She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
