I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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