what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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