Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
