I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Randomize
