she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
