why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
