So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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