my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
