Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
