Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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