'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
