So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
