i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize