yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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