During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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