is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
