why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
