You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
