the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
