Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
