I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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