Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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