i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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