By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
