Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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