Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
