I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
ttyl tear gas
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't deserve a penis
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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