it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
