i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
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Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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