At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
lets start a swedish sibling band together
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
