we made out on top of his cat.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
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It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
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So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery