Dual....:-)
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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