You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
