Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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