She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
