Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
