8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
