I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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