i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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