My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
