I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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