I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
