I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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