I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
