Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
