my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Please don't give away my fajitas
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
