Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
