just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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