The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
