Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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