I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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