Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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