I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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